Philippians 1:6

We have been reading our Bibles at meal times. I told Moose today that we were feeding our souls. Bread for the body, Bread for the soul. We have also been hugging at meal time too. Each time we eat, we embrace, we pray, we thank. Its is awakening something within me, all that touching and feeding and rolling the Words of God around in my mind and through my cereal bowl.


I am not where I want to be.

A man told me that his mother was quick to offer hope to anyone, that the Psalms rolled of her tonge. I am not there yet.
There are those than can pause, peacefully, and seek wisdom before responding. I tend to react, seek forgiveness, and then open up the heart to wisdom. I am just not there yet.

The stationary sits unpenned in my desk, ready for a hand written note to someone.
The hearts desire is to point those I love towards the God that loves them even more.
And, you can guess, I am not there yet.
Blessed are the Poor in Spirit.
Blessed are those who Mourn.
Blessed are the Meek.

I am not there yet.
The hope is to make my kitchen simple, so that foods that nourish us did not come at the hands of others suffering. The simple kitchen, where a emptier pantry for us may mean a nourishing meal for someone who was hungry. Its the hope, but I am not there yet.

A better friend, sister, daughter.
A wife that speaks words of Grace.
A woman that cares less about what I see in the mirror and more about seeing the world through Gods eyes.
I am not there yet.

Blessed are the merciful.
Blessed are the pure in heart.
Blessed are the peacemakers.

The list could go on. The desire to live with less fear, to live palms up, to bow down more on bended knee.....give freely, can you imagine...to give freely....I can hardly say it without childish giddiness rising up and just as quickly being quelched by a grippening gut muscle. To LIFE Freely. To GIVE freely. To LOVE freely. I am not there yet.

The other day in the car tears were shed quietly as I drove the old green van, kids singing behind me, coffee stain glaring at me on the carpet. I am not there yet. I am not who I want to be.

And, then it hit. I am not who God wants me to be, yet......and that yet is the best part. Yet. Yet. Yet.

Samuel born in Ethiopia, cared for by woman that spoke to him his native tongue learned to understand and speak another language in mere months. He did not doubt himself. He was open to the learning, ready for the growing.


Finn took his first steps on New Years Eve just days before he turned one. Months before that he had rolled over for the first time, a moment we caught on tape. Big brother exclaimed, "How did you do that, Buddy?" He did it because he was supposed to roll over. Since birth his hours and days and months had been bringing him closer to that first roll, that first step, that first word. And, now he runs. wild.


My boys have already learned to accomplish seemingly impossible tasks and they did so because they trusted, just naturally trusted that they would. They knew that they were not complete and so they were open to grow, eager to grow, ready to grow and excited to see the next days progress.


"Momma, how big am I now?"

"Did I do it better today?"

"Look what I can do now!"

"Watch, Momma! Watch me!"

Momma can do it too. Thirty does not stop me, it compells.

Momma can grow. Momma can carry on.

Momma can trust and open and wait palms open to receive the growth.

"He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion untl the day of Christ."

I am not there yet, because I am not supposed to be.Because its not about me, its about me in Jesus.  This very day the God who sustained me in my mother's womb and has walked beside me ever since, the God that has breathed life in to these lungs and forgiven every failure, the God that has abundantly blessed and loved and shed light on the dark places...he is not through with me. Carry on. To completion. Until the day of Christ.


And, I sing it too. All day. Bread for the soul.