My Savings, My Sailboat

Simply making up my mind has been healing. Making up my mind was like taking the first official baby step towards an adventure, long overdue. But, this is even more than an adventure it is a lifestyle change.

I am buying a sailboat.

A small sailboat.


We live just a few blocks from a decent sized body of water. The lake is not particularly attractive, but it is water and that counts for a lot. I see it as a perfect body of water for me to begin my adventure and learn the in's and out's of inshore sailing.

Here is what I do know~

* I DO know that growing up sailing with my dad are some of my fondest memories.

*I DO know that when Jimmy Buffet sings, "I am a pirate 300 years too late..." I feel like crying and
don't even get me started on the entire song "Treat her like a lady..."

*I DO know that water, simply being near it, calms me. I do not mean that is helps me to relax, I mean it takes the raw edges of me and turns them into something useful and good. Water draws me in the way that the open range called many a cowboy.

*I DO know the thought of making something move using water and wind is just about as exciting as it can get.

* I DO know it is a lot of labor, a lot of money, and there are tons of spiders.

*I DO know that even after years of sailing with my dad I still do not know what ropes go to what and how the rigging works, but I am bound and determined to figure it out.

*I DO know that just making the decision to pursue this dream has opened up a new world to my mind and spirit.

Jason has agreed, after much conversation and well, pleading, on my part.
I am doing my research now. I am saving my money. I am reading the books.
I am daydreaming a lot.

The plan is to purchase a small sailboat this spring, perhaps even a sunfish. I already have a name picked out, but will share this important detail much later. I have been reading up on all sorts of option and seeing what is selling locally from other sailors here in our area.

Just the planning alone is exciting. A sailboat for my family. I feel like I am answering a call that has been ringing in my ears for my entire life. It is a strange and satisfying feeling.


~ The soon to be Captain Katie


ps. That picture above is of me (with Moose on my back~ you can see his little head). We were in Ethiopia on a hike and came across this beautiful crater lake in a town called Debra Zevit. I found a fisherman and paid him to take us out onto the water. He worked and we sat smiling dumbly at him and every single thing he did.

The List To Make it Through Winter Without Going Crazy

The other day we sat with friends next to a flat hot grill of shrimp and vegetables, it was a Japanese restaurant we have been wanting to visit. While the veggies were a flipping I was trying to explain how I feel right now.

I am pretty descriptive with my hands, they flail here and there while I try to get my point across. Imagine, if you will, then my hands curled up like an animal ready to attack. This will give you a good mental image to go on.


"I just feel like I am some kind of animal living in a zoo. You know the kind that is supposed to be living in wide open space. I feel like a tiger, yea just that like. I feel like a tiger at the zoo." (Now, you understand the reason for the claws).

Our friends shook their heads with understanding and then kindly helped me to clarify. "You could have just said that you feel a bit 'caged in'...."


Yep, that is it exactly. I feel a bit caged in.

I have felt this way for a couple of weeks now. This caged in feeling has resulted in some negative outcomes, mood swings and tears for a start. Proceeding into a refusal to answer any phone calls which has left a string of voicemail from the usual and lovely suspects. The continued outcomes have also been an unusual interest in bland and pointless Internet searching mostly for jobs and houses in warm sunny climates. Jason said that he loved me, really truly, but that no we would not be relocating to Tahiti any time soon.

After pacing around the other morning, going on like my fourth half finished cup of coffee I finally decided to do something about it. So, I did.
Please remember that I am fairly dramatic and passionate so little tiny things are a ridiculous big deal to me.

I dug my ultimate favorite boots, from New Zealand, out of my closet. I put them on sans socks as appropriate. The wool felt really nice in between my toes, reminding me of warm summer grass. I grabbed my coffee cup, looked at my sleeping boys, and ventured outside. What I am going to tell you next it totally and completely anti-climactic so please do not be prepared for something interesting.

All that I did was stand outside in my own backyard and breath.
At first the cold air hurt my lungs. I let the air hit my face. I let it turn my cheeks red. I crunched the snow under my warm boots, smiling that I had the advantage over the cold at least from the knees down. I looked at the branches of the trees and admired the way that the ice had formed around each individual twig.

Then, I took a sip of now cold coffee and went back inside smiling and feeling awkwardly rejuvenated. Keeping the boots on I sat down and made a list.

THE THINGS I CAN DO TO MAKE IT THROUGH WINTER WITHOUT GOING CRAZY LIST

1. Listen to more music. Fill the house with it. Get lost in it.
2. Use the open space in the basement to dance around like a nut with my son.
3. Read late at night when I should be sleeping. Get up really early and keep reading.
4. Go outside every day and find something beautiful to take a picture of.
5. Make real hot cocoa for my real hot cocoa loving mate.
6. Play with bread dough until I finally make the perfect loaf.
7. Finger paint.
8. Teach myself to play the piano, to actually make music.
9. Become a hula-hoop master.
10. Always wear my favorite boots.


So, friendly blog readers of mine that is the list I made. Truly. Got to tell you that it is working. I still feel like a caged in tiger (insert tiny growl here) but instead of wasting away the winter I am a caged in tiger that is using it to brighten up my stripes.

I will keep you posted. So far I have made great progress with my entire list. Jason is a bit jealous of #3 because even though he is sleeping he says he knows that I am not there and he misses me. That is kind of nice, makes this tiger feel a bit like making good on list item #5, which I will do right now.


Here is some picture proof of the list in action, or as I like to think of it me regaining my sanity.

Moose just having finished some of my home made bread. Not the perfect batch. Will keep trying.



Talking to Jason over breakfast about my new "playlist" for winter:


My promise to find beauty in winter every day:


Being prepared for anything by keeping my favorite boots on as promised:

Coffee Face

So, since my husband does not like coffee I am slowly tricking my son into being a huge coffee lover. This way as he grows he can wake up early in the morning with me and down the Java along side his Momma.




Today, in the bath he asked for a drink of my coffee. This is the face he made after getting a big mouth full. I think my plan is working.......

Out of the mouths of babes...

Moose and I were watching the movie Happy Feet this evening. The penguine was being chased, in this dramatic scene, by a hungry seal. Moose was very concerned for him. He kept asking, "What go on?" and saying, "Oh no!".

Finally, as the scene was ending he turned his head back to me and said, "Oh, he should just go back home to his Momma!"


Hehehe. I love it.

We three kings

My favorite, all time, Christmas show. What a blast from my past. Love it!

The Box

The table where we eat our meals is a little wooden square with stains in the wood finish. It has one leg that wobbles and only two matching chairs. This suits us fine. Jason and I each sit in a chair and Moose, for the time being, is content in his under the sea highchair.

At breakfast time the table is rather quiet, routine. Cereal is passed. On a good day there might be bacon. Conversation is slow and sweet. There are sentiments passed along the table wishing one another happy and productive days. Nothing changes much at breakfast, it is predictable.

At lunch time the table is a bit more interesting. Jason has come home a bit late, as usual and the Moose is both hungry and tired. His grumpiness, which is harmless, is amusing. He occupies most of lunch telling his father about each and every detail of the morning. "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy I pooped in the bathtub." "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Mommy said 'Oh gross!'"Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, I ate a bug." The tales continue.
Lunch at the table is short. Twenty minutes if even. There is still a rush to continue the day. Moose needs his nap. Jason must return to work. I have to take advantage of my hour of alone time.

We ignore the table at snack time leaving traces of grapes and apples and raisins and cracker crumbs through out the downstairs.

At dinner, the little table transforms. Daddy has come home. There is a wild excitement in the air as if we were leaving on a grand vacation. The boys wrestle in the nearby room, their laughter and grunts shaking the house. They are a loud bunch. I rather like it. I put the food on the table, rolling my eyes at the pathetic meal. I announce dinner is ready, breaking up the match. Jason struts in holding an upside down Moose and we all find our seats. Every night, in a predictable fashion, somewhere in between passing the meal back and forth the mood at the table changes. There is not the business like air we experience in the morning. There is not the rush of lunch.
We sit at our little wobbly stained table having a grand time. Things get unpredictable. The conversation is never the same. At some point each evening I realize that my heaves of laughter are making the table shake. Moose is beaming. Jason complains his face hurts from smiling. And, we sit with no place to go, no urgency, no agenda. It is just us and we are a happy bunch at our little table.

Last night, during dinner, the doorbell rang. It was at late delivery from UPS. Which Christmas gift had finally come in the mail? Jason answered the door. He pulled into the house a small box containing the third book in a series I am reading. I have been waiting a while for this book to arrive. He smiled at me and dashed around the house. I leaped out of my chair in pursuit of him. Moose was not shocked, this sort of thing happens at our house. I chased that man up and down stairs around and around until we finally collapsed. I grabbed the box and ran back to the table. I had won. Jason returned and sat down in his seat. Moose smiled and said, "Mommy got you Daddy." I winked and Jason conceded happily, flirtatiously.

For me, what happens at our dinner table, is the unspoken evidence of the happiness that exists in my home and heart. At breakfast we must begin our work days, to-do lists are on our minds. At lunch we are rushed knowing that the sooner lunch is over the sooner we will be together again. We are preoccupied with the going-on's of our day. At dinner, there is nothing but us and no matter how bland the food tastes, we find ourselves exceedingly happy to simply be sitting together.

Dinners at our little table are like tiny short stints of Saturdays~ easy on the mind, body, and soul.

Trying to Reconsider Winter

I have been unfairly harsh on winter. I think a few posts ago I even wrote that I hated it. Those are strong words.

I want to rephrase, explain myself to winter, approach it perhaps in a different manner. If I do so then maybe the season, with dreary dark skies, will not be as intolerable.

I do not like being cold. It is my own fault though. I never dress appropriately for winter. The other day I was with my mother and I was complaining about being cold and hating winter. We were outside feeding ducks in Wisconsin. With some motherly wisdom she stated bluntly, "Your in your pajamas and you do not even have shoes on, dork."
My mom might be right. Perhaps winter would be easier if I dressed in you know~ a coat and at least shoes. And, yes she did call me a dork.

So, my first attempt at learning to live and love winter is that starting today I will dress for winter.

I do not like the way that winter dampens my sense of spontenaity. In the warm months if I have the hunkering for a hike, picnic, or just to sip a sweet tea on the front porch I simply go do that. In winter I have to plan. Hiking is still possible, and oh so beautiful but it takes a lot more planning and effort. The Moose is already heavy enough weighing my back down 45 pounds, but walking with him in snow is that much more difficult. Tomorrow, we are going to try to go with the dogs to our favorite local farm. It is 111 acres of walking and wilderness. But, if the wind is too much I guess we will just sit around and dream about the sun on our skin.

My second attempt at learning to live and love winter is to actually plan outside activities, which I so long for. Any outside time I can get will help with my winter moodiness and the feeling of being entirely caged in.

I have this magazine, Country Living, that this month showed all sorts of beautiful winter images. I think they were from Vermont. Pictured were hot cocoa drinking rosy cheeked people sitting around a bon fire with thick flannel blankets. There were horses and carriages and jingle bells. There were rolling hills of crisp white snow.
This winter I think I would like, no love. Adore even!

Here where we live winter quickly turns into muddy streets and bare trees with torn Wal-mart bags, windswept, littering their branches. If everything was white and bright I do not think I would miss the green so much.

My third attempt at learning to live and love winter is to take advantage of every actual snowy day and add elements of those "perfect Vermont" winters into our lives.

I do adore a fire, indoors and out. Jason did a nice thing for me this evening. He went outback, collected fire wood and built a roaring fire. We sat together wrapping Christmas presents and laughing at the Moose all evening. His fingers smell like smoke. I love it. Manly man stuff.

With the fire going, the wind wipping outside the windows, and my feet appropriately covered in slippers I think I could make it though this winter stuff. At least for tonight.



One of the GREAT things about winter~ the pups and our Moose looking adorable by the Tree!

Thoughts on the Twilight Series

It is morning. Clifford is on, slightly amusing a groggy child next to me and I was just thanking God that Puka is not as big as Clifford in his physical size. He would eat the entire house.

As Jason has been traveling for work and we remained home I have been reading the Twilight Series that I mentioned before. I am through the first two books and the online book. I just ordered book three and four online, there is no way that I am going to pay full book store prices when waiting a couple of weeks gets me a bargain. The wait will be good for me, you know keeping the supsense alive and all.

I am going to mention some things about the books that may spoil it for anyone who has not read it, so do not read on if that is the case.

Although I have truly been enjoying these books I have some thoughts regarding them. Not well thought through and I have to finish the series before I can really express myself as perhaps these things will be addressed in the books to come.


*I like that the main character, a vampire with the inherit desire to kill, falls in love with a human. I like that he loves her deeply and learns that his love for his is deeper than his desire for her blood and his curiosity about her~ that it is truly love. In the second book he leaves her, doing the right thing, because he ultimately puts her in danger and more so belives he is endangering her soul. This piece I like as I believe that LOVE is not to be simply self gratifying and dangerous, but truly doing what is good and right for the one you love. However, at the end of the second book they are back together. I am curious how this is going to work out. What is goinig to change in his reasoning to make him see that their being together is good that it will not comprimise her soul? I think this is one reason I keep reading.

*Bella, the female main character, is in love with Edward. The author makes it very clear that it is not a childish crush or fleeting high school romance, but truly love to the very core. I am trying to read the book through those eyes. However, I am struggeling with this for two reasons. First~ Bella quickly decided it did not matter that Edward was a vampire because she loved him and wanted to be with him. He keeps thinking of her first and considering leaving her in order to keep her safe. Should she not be thinking the same thing for him? Wanting him to be kept safe from himself and thus as hard as it might be putting distance between them?
Secondly, Bella also decides very quickly in the second book that she wants to become a vampire so that she can be with Edward forever. I have been doing some thinking about this a little. How quickly she chooses to give up her soul, without considering how much her soul is a part of her, how much her soul is her very self, and how much her very soul might have to do with her love for Edward. I think that she could still love Edward with all her heart and soul as she does in the book but that she should have much more conflict about giving up her soul for him.

*I think that my hope is that Bella matures a bit and realizes that she does not have to lose her soul to be with Edward. That they both find that God's redemption and grace extend to Edward as well and that no souls have to ever be truly lost. But, I do not think this will happen in these books.

*Edward is set that Bella is his mate. He wants to be her mate forever, committed to his love for her. She is willing to give up her soul and become a vampire to be with him, but she hesitates to marry him. It seems like Edward would find so much happiness in the "human" ritual of marriage. That it would comfort him and bring him joy. Yet, Bella refuses this (for now). Again, when is she thinking of him in the way that he considers her needs? Hmm....this is a bit confusing to me. Perhaps this will change as the story unfolds.

*At the end of the second book, which again I really liked, Bella finally realizes after a year of exrutiating pain that Edward does love her as she loves him. This bothers me a bit too. Here is why~ all this time, through all of thier time together, Bella has doubted that she was good enough for Edward. I do not like this. Just because Edward is supposed to be amazingly handsome and apparently have comendable compassion and strength does not make him better than Bella. I am hoping that in book three and four she grows as a woman apart from Edward, that she see's her own worth apart from her relationship with him. I think she can be grateful that he loves her and still totally in awe of him without thinking of herself as unworthy of his love. I almost think it would be better in book two if when he leaves her she KNOWS that he loves her deeply and is leaving out of that love, not leaving because she is convinced he does not want her. It seems kind of silly.

*There is probably more. I am curious to see what happens in the next two books. I am always a huge fan of a story that goes past the initial love affair, that digs into the love that exsists down the road when the fun and excitement of new love wears off and the two people can beging to walk through life together. I am not sure if these books will go into that, and it is ok. I am still a fan and having fun reading them. Bella loves for Edward to hold her. He is very cold (as he is a vampire) against her warm skin. She once descriped his touch as a cold stone. Today, I walked onto the driveway without shoes on. It is winter. The concrete froze my feet. I can imagine in the beginning of a new love that for Bella the cold body would be interesting, exciting....but I want to know how thier love lasts and continues to grow even after she says, "Let's not cuddle tonight, I love you with all my heart and always will, but you are uncomfortable and cold." :)

If you have not read it and you like fantasy stories then you might enjoy this series. They sure have a huge following now, with everything from teenybobbers to adult men babbling on and on about them online. Guess I just joined that number, but no more posting about it for me unless there is something in book 3 and 4 that I have to get off my mind.

Clifford is over which means it is time for running around the house playing dumptrucks. Jason comes home today, in just a few minutes. Thankgoodness! No vampire, no matter how good looking could ever take his place. I like reading fantasy books, but how thankful I am for the reality that exists around me when I close the book.

Twilight

I have not blogged in a while. In part because I am seriously contemplating giving up this hobby of mine and spending time pursuing other interests~ such as learning to play the guitar and napping. Now that it is cold my energy and enthusiasm for adventure has dimmed and will be hibernating until spring, except for the occasional and short lived desire to venture outside and quickly return face happily flushed but fingers miserably frozen.

I do not like winter.


On to my point. The other reason for my lack of recent blogging is that I have surprisingly been sucked into the Twilight book series. I am pretty sure it was written for teenagers and perhaps I feel a bit silly for enjoying it, but I do. Really.

In fact, before Jason and I snuggle onto the couch for our evening "The Office" on Hulu I have to steal away to begin New Moon, the second installment of the series.

Yummy.